"when i grow up, i want to be a scientist so i can make a ray gun to blast ellie (sister) into another universe full of man and girl eating tacos!"
"wait-is the mall a GIRL place? (yes) then we'd better get out of here before i DIE!!! oops, too late!" (strangling sounds as he falls to the floor)
"when i grow up, i'm never lett'n my wife be miss america, 'cause then i'd be Mr america!"
wilsie and his twin, jack, have recently spent all their spare time finding new uses for nerf gun bullets. did you know that they work well as darts? and sisters make perfect targets? that is, until you hit them, then amongst the yelling and slapping, the brilliance of that idea seems to fade :) so, they occasionly have to revert back to such innocent diversions as trampoline wrestling and ab, the traditional basketball game of horse containing to many letters for their attention spans. in between being being nutcases and eating more food than i thought was possible for any human, they protect us from roaches. living in the south, amongst pine trees, these creatures are an inevitable part of the summer, with a few in the winter. nevertheless, all the girls are scared of them. so my mankins formed "roach patrol". when they get the call, they rush to the scene, where jack stomps on it, and wils throws the carcass far away. this system works well. it finds it's roots in their ingrained desire to be MEN. not men, but MEN. while men might play football, MEN play until either they have utterly ground their opponet into the dust, or have become too weak from hunger too go on, because MEN eat every hour on the hour. MEN are also terribly offended by the idea that a girl could play football. the people who allow her to do so are obviously mere men, because a MAN would never do such a thing :) growing up with me has perpetuated the last belief, because i would never ever play football (you can't wear heels or a skirt, and it involves running), and i have nurtured the MAN idea carefully, because it works to my advantage. all i ever have to do to get jack to do something for me is preface my request with " i need a big, strong MAN to ..." and the response is "i can do it milnie! with wils, i just become so utterly helpless and loud it annoys him. e.g.(while going completely limp on the couch beside him, hanging on his arm) wiiiiiillllllsie, milnie caaaan't get that bag of carrots from the garage fridge, it's toooooo heeaavy! i neeeed a biiiig, strooong MAN....."
while i wrote this, jack walked past my door with a nerf bullet stuck to his head, going to show his comic brilliance to my mother, came back, threw two bullets at my door, and one at me, which he swore was aimed for the window beside me. he was not wearing a shirt at this time. it is february.
